BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
