there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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