I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
