hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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