yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
