My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have already put on my inside pants.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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