508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she pinky promised me she was 18
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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