I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
