Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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