she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
