hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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