Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
