loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
