I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I will be naked everywhere
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
