when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Randomize
