he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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