It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
