This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Every concussion has its silver lining
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
