Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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