I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
