So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We got so high we made milksteak
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
