I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
