I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
