Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
