it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
