I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
