But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
