Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
