So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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