It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We were destined to go to rehab together
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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