I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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