everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
