I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Randomize
