I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Dick very happy bro
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
