No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
