Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
