Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Randomize
