i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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