Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
