my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
