I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
