I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
