Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
