WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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