a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
