she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
