It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
