Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
