Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
