I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
