i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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