im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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