Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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